Moving On
by RennyRen
Summary: Ren seems to be faking that smile of his until the end and that last smile Masato saw from him was burned into his mind forever. (WARNING: Triggers for implied self-harm and suicide)


For once, as Masato opened the door, their shared dorm was spotless. Shining, even. The navy-haired man looked around in awe, blinking a few times before his eyes landed on his roommate, who was-of course-hogging the whole couch, his legs sprawled out lazily as he watched TV quietly. He walked over to him, raising a brow suspiciously.

"Did you clean the room?" Masato curiously asked, blocking the television from the other's view to get his attention. Sighing, Ren sat up and looked at Masato quietly for a while before speaking.

"Yeah. I had the day off, why?" The strawberry blonde's blue eyes didn't give off the normal energy and smugness. They looked almost faded. On top of that, his aura was weak and almost...one of depression? This fake energy tried to mask the true one, but knowing Ren for so long, it didn't work on him at all.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Crap. He meant to say that _a lot_ more gently. Maybe it was because he was so cold to him most of the time that he couldn't seem to get out of the habit. Masato paused, wincing at his words. "Er- sorry." Hijirikawa sat down next to Ren, clearing his throat. "Are you okay?"

Upon hearing Masato correct himself, Ren knew he was trying, and definitely saw through his act. But, that was no surprise to him. Not wanting to make him worry, he just shook his head calmly. "No, I'm fine, Hijirikawa. What, I can't clean for you once in a while?" Jinguji smirked, ruffling his childhood friend's hair which caused Masato to wince on instinct.

"Yeah. That's the reason. _You don't clean just because._" Crossing his arms, Masato's normal glare landed on Ren. "Look, we may not be on the best of terms but honestly, just tell me things once in a while. It's not like I'm going to tell anyone or laugh or something." They stared at each other for a while, Ren breaking the silence giving a small laugh.  
"Oh, come on. You're being so serious all the time. I'm fine. Don't worry about it." At that, Ren got to his feet and smirked, waving to Masato. "I think I'll just go for a walk."  
Masato watched Ren walk towards the door quietly, not being able to bring himself to actually speak up again. He was really stubborn, as the darker eyed man already knew.

After about thirteen minutes of him sitting and waiting for his roommate to return, Masato got up and decided to look for him to find out what the hell what was actually wrong. He had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Where the hell is that idiot...?" He muttered to himself as he swiftly walked down the street, looking every which way he could think of Ren going. The campus was completely empty of his presence, so he ended up going towards town. There was one place else he might be, so he began to head up to the cliff they had gone to a few time before as children, staring up at the stars. Masato smiled slightly at the nostalgia he now felt rise in his chest.

That feeling immediately went away as he reached the top of the cliff and saw what he wouldn't have thought he would see in a million years. Ren. Standing at the very edge of the cliff, staring down quietly. A small gust of wind erupted as Masato stood there; frozen to the spot he was. No way. There was no way in hell. This guy? Impossible. He opened his mouth to say something, but all that came out was air. He tried several times to call out Ren's name without prevail. Finally, a small squeak escaped, causing the strawberry blonde to turn his head.

Jinguji's expression was dark, clouded. As his dead fish eyes set on the man, he gave a small, forced smile, like someone would if they had a gun pointed at their head and said 'I'm fine!' as he walked off the cliff.

Masato's head began to pound as he watched this happen. His vision began to blur as he stumbled down the slope, feeling the immense pressure in his stomach and throat people have before vomiting. Jinguji. Ren. Why? Why would you do that? What would make you do that? How would that solve your problems? There was no way that your life was that bad! He should have pried on the subject. If only he did...maybe then...

"Masa? Masa! Masato!" The redhead frantically stumbled up to the dark-haired man, grabbing him by his shirt and turning him around. "What happened?! Ren is gone and-" He froze, staring at the cliff and then to Masato, whose eyes were welling with tears as he looked over the edge. Shaking his head, his eyes also started to water. "No...no way..."  
Not being able to reply, Hijrikawa began to wobble and fall to knees. The dizziness had taken him over along with the taste of something acidic in his throat rising. No tears fell, even though he felt like he was going to sob and he felt them stinging his eyes. Sirens echoed through his ears loudly as he sat there, staring down at the grass in pure shock as he blacked out, the last thing he saw was Otoya trying to lift him up.

About a week later and it seemed that the whole school fell dead silent. Gloom was the mood of the whole student body, especially Masato's table. Tokiya ate quietly next to Otoya, who was forced to eat by his roommate. Natsuki and Syo also grazed on their food, not bothering to look up. They were not missing just one, but two members.

Hijirikawa had locked himself in his room and refused to come out for any reason. Even if the building was on fire, he wouldn't bother moving. No one knew what he was doing, but they guessed he was trying to starve himself.

Around a month later, the academy had gone back to normal for the most part, despite one large detail. Masato, who had dropped out and was as white as a sheet, along with very underweight. He had not spoken a word to anyone. In fact, he couldn't. The marks on his necks were proof enough that he had damaged his throat enough to make him lose his voice permanently.

Otoya visited every day after school to try and cheer him up. At first, the others showed up occasionally with him, but now only he showed up with Tokiya occasionally. Natsuki and Syo couldn't speak to him. It was too hard for them to do so.

One particular day that Otoya visited, Masato had bowed and handed him a beautifully written letter in place of his words.

I understand how much you have been trying to cheer me up along with the others and it makes me feel very grateful to have such caring friends. Although you do not bring it up, I did indeed try to end my life several times, though they all ended up in failure. It appears that a certain flirtatious angel is watching over me. I have decided to forget the past events and move on. I realize that Jinguji would rather have me living healthily than suffer, so that, I shall do.

Taking your own life is very selfish, seeing that those around you will be effected much more than most expect. It is hard, however, to stay on path an avoid the dark thoughts that cloud my mind from time to time, but those gaps are growing larger. Hopefully, I will be able to live without those thoughts in the future.

Ittoki, Ichinose, Shinomiya, and Kurusu. Thank you all for trying to cheer me up and comfort me when you yourselves are being impacted by this as well. Over the months, you have become family to me. I hope it will stay that way.

Again, thank you.

-Masato Hijirikawa


End file.
